Smarty Pants

Mornings with toddlers are THE worst part of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kiddo. She’s wonderful, and as far as overall behavior goes, she’s a breeze. But she’s smart. You’re probably like, “Are you complaining that your child is intelligent? My kid is a dumb ass, do you want to trade?” I love that Caroline is totally enthralled by books and often has a better vocabulary than her father. But I hate that I can’t trick her. She knows all my games, never falls for my bribes and according to Andy, “plays me like a fiddle.” BUT SHE’S SO BELIEVABLE!

Today was no exception. We’ve been transitioning after a long weekend of holiday festivities and mornings have been treacherous. Caroline cried about brushing her teeth, about what Milk-Bone the dog got to eat and where the seams fell on her socks. I get it girl, it’s hard to go back to work after a break. I mean, look at me, I’m over here writing a blog entry instead of attending to my clients. Awesome role model.

I’m always late, this morning included, and it’s like she could sense that. Every time I said, “Mom’s going to be late for work,” she dialed her speed down and increased her whining volume. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Mom v. Chocolate Milk. As the minutes ticked by, Caroline casually sipped her chocolate milk like she was on a coffee date with her long-lost college roomie. HURRY IT UP, PLEASE! I mean, this wasn’t gourmet, it was Nesquik. I finally just picked her up and asked her to drink it in the car, to which she screamed, “I WANT TO PUT IT IN THE SINK!” Again, you’re probably like, lady, are you complaining that your kid wants to clean up after herself? No, I’m not. I’m complaining because she wants to do it at the most inopportune times, which I guess is when toddlers do everything. I set her back down, she finished her drink, put it in the sink and we hit the road. I was sweating and she had tear-streaked cheeks, but we made it out the door.

The cherry on top? I forgot the kid’s hat and mittens…in December…in Minnesota. #winning.