A game plan for when the game becomes a complete shit show.
It has been a hell of a week, so it seemed fitting for me to resurrect the blog. Sorry for the extended hiatus. A baby, a new career and a remodel project all but eliminated my free time.
This week my company was forced to lay off 55 employees. I, for better or for worse, was retained. My friends lost their jobs. My office is a ghost town. Of course I am grateful for my continued employment. But wow, the emotions that come with it are overwhelming. There’s guilt, but then confidence. There’s heartache, but then hope. I’m comforting my friends and also building my plan of attack. It’s a difficult dynamic to say the least. Some days I feel like an asshole. Other days I feel like a rock star.
Because that wasn’t enough drama, we also had to put our cat down this week. Macy was 15+ years old and her health started deteriorating rapidly over the last few days. We’d tried several measure to prolong her life over the last year, but ultimately, we knew it wasn’t fair to her. Having to explain that to a three-year-old is one of the shittier things I’ve had to do as a mom. Sometimes she’s more together and mature than I am, which she reminded me of when she said, “You don’t have to cry, mom,” as I wiped snot and tears from my face over and over. That kid is my rock, or as my friend likes to say, my anchor. She’s keeping me sane during insane times. Saving me from just totally blowing off course.
Today, I’m trying to see the little things that make this kind of bullshit worth it. I’m reading a good book, I’m thoroughly enjoying Stranger Things, and I swear I heard my youngest say “mama” today. I’ve survived worse things in my life, so I’ll persevere.
My friend has been helping me through this very stressful, anxious time by teaching me to take small bites. If you’ve ever eaten a meal with me, you know that sounds very out of character. But, thinking about what I need to do only in the immediate future is what’s keeping me from totally losing it. What can I do in the next hour? What can wait until tomorrow? Small bites = big wins.